i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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