Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
