I didn't shave. On purpose
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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