your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
