Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize