I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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