Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
