after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
