she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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