if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
