I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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