was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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