He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
