there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
