my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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