I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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