either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
