i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
