Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
