I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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