I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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