I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
