Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize