Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
