Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
