I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
