These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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