why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
