I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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