I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
