i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
