Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
