I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We need to get me chipped asap
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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