I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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