i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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