All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Farmville is her only friend.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
