He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Everclear isn't food dammit
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
