nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
