saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
