I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize