i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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