im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize