i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
