i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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