We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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