she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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