Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
