I'm jealous of your bromance
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
