idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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