Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
