first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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