Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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