Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
