Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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