with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I looked at my own cervix.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
