I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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