my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
