my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I will be naked everywhere
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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