worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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