I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
