i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize