Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
