I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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