im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
