Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize