A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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