I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
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