doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
