Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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