dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
