So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
